i find it possible to forgive the universe

1:12pm: Crankin out the shorties
So for anyone who reads my livejournal and doesn't know already, I may or may not be having a baby in March.

Surprise!

It was a surprise to us too. But what a good surprise.

4:52pm: hi friends
Just in case - I am switching my email address completely over to summerhmyers@gmail.com. Also, I'm not going to have a cell phone for very much longer. I do have a home phone for now, though, if you're interested.

3:19pm: Just in case you want to know how cute we are: www.mywedding.com/andyandsummer

11:47am: Addendum!
Mr. Evans!

I can't even remember his first name. That would help, if you remember it. Is it something like Leland?

8:32pm: Help a sista out.
Hey. If any of you have any of the addresses for the following friends, please email them to me (fatuglyperson@gmail.com). Thanks -

Bruce Moore
Rebecca Jensen (yes you)
Peter Toews
Sarah McReynolds
Glenn Becker
Aaron Hupp
Taryn Jones
Maren Soreide
Jon Hummel
James Laswell

And if any of you want an invite/announcement and I don't have your address yet, please email me that too. Thanks guys.

11:51am: 13.5
Guess whose brother, Joel's, wife, Bekki, is pregnant?

7:28pm: that dweam within a dweam
I tried to email or call everyone, but I don't have everyone's current numbers or addresses, so just in case, I thought I'd let you know -





That's right, suckers - we're getting married.
(send your address to fatuglyperson@gmail.com if you want an invitation)

12:30am: meself

2:59pm: Ha. I'm really bad at this whole surprise thing.

6:13pm: how time can move both fast and slow amazes me
Two items of business, in no particular order:

First, Andy comes home tomorrow. I will see him on Friday. For the first time in two years.

Second, one of my oldest, dearest friends turned twenty-one today. Bet you can't guess which one.



Happy birthday, old friend.

11:51pm: dear dairy
If any of you want to drive to Provo this Saturday, I'm hosting a foodfight at 7:30 p.m.

It's going to be legendary, and you're invited.

6:14am: happy sixth de mayo
Quick life update:

It is my twenty first birthday tomorrow.
I fly home today.
Andy comes home to me in one month from today.
Every single time you call me, I am at work and my cellphone is sitting in a locker room. How do I call you back?
Life is full of so very many good things.
I love you.

9:39pm: in a moment of almost unbearable vision, doubled over with the hunger of lions...
Hey. If you guys are still coming to Provo, which I sure hope you are, know that General Conference is on Saturday the 31st. General Conference means the prophet speaks to us. So I'ma listen to that. I'm not real sure when exactly you guys are coming. I've got one apartment (with my dear friends Micah and Dan, who is one of the most amazing musicians I know, and I think you'll like these guys a lot, actually) ready with beds for at least two. Do I need to find another? My friend Chris said he could probably put somebody up.

Also, if you're coming over a Thursday, I hope you don't mind watching The Office.

Remember how I didn't have friends for you guys to meet last time? Well this time, boy do I.

I'm excited. Between the two of you, I haven't seen you in an average of eight months.

12:30pm: Our secrets sleep in winter clothes
Dear Old Friends,

Aside from the occasional Instant Message with Lacey, I really haven't talked to anyone from home, not seriously anyway, for a long time. I don't know that you care much, but I still read my friends page at least once a week. I like to know what's going on in your lives. Part of my silence I attribute to myself getting involved with some BYU things for which I had to establish a new, anonymous online identity. Thus the exodus to blogspot and the abandoning of all of you who know my name and my history.

But in case you wanted to know, here's a summary of my life lately:

This institution I joined came with a whole new social circle. After 2.5 years, I feel like I found my comfortable little niche in college. You guys would really like these people a lot - they're extremely intelligent and excessively funny. A great deal of the people I spend my time with are actually from my ward last year, even members of the improv troupe I partook in last winter, but we weren't so close as we are now. A bunch of us live all in the same three-block area now, so it's easy to stroll over to friend's house for the weekly movie night (where I finally got to see the edited version of Memento, and we're doing Little Miss Sunshine next week. We also watched Harold and Maude for Valentine's. Golly I love that movie) or for to watch 24 or for games that involve scrabble tiles. I love that they love word games. I can't beat them, but I love it. And a few of us watch The Office at my place on Thursdays.

I dated one of the prominent members of this social circle for a short while this semester. It was a funny relationship, a shallow one really. On a friend's advice, I took the opportunity to go through some serious thought and prayer to see if I could give this guy an honest chance in light of how I've felt about Andy for the past three years. Turns out I couldn't - I'm more resolved about Andy now than I've ever been, and he comes home to me on June 6. The boy and I weren't really compatible anyway - we tried to be. But I couldn't be myself around him, and we were both kind of hung up on our respective someones else. It was fun, though. And I needed it. I needed to clearly see that Andy is the one I want. Also, happiest break-up ever.

However, something about dating him and this semester and the intensity of it ... it's all resulted in a personality schizophrenia that I'm ashamed of. I kinda wish I could start this semester over and not act in the ways I've acted. My confidence has been shot this past week, and I keep having these irrational bouts of "my friends really hate me and think I'm lame" spells, a la Junior year. Maybe it's a cycle that comes every Junior year. Anyway, you all know how annoying it is when people get all self-esteemy, so I try to keep a happy face.

Part of me suspects that this is just a skewed secular manifestation of something else that's going on - I think I need to be broken and remade, I need a good humbling. I need Lent, or at least the things I'm doing "for" it. I'm finally realizing on a real, spiritually-understood level that I can't do it alone. I can't fix Problem A and Problem B and all the rest by myself - I need the Lord and his Atonement. And the timing of it? I honestly think the answer to that lies in what my mom told me sometime in June 2005 - "He's leaving a boy but he's going to come back a man. Now you have to take these two years and make yourself worthy enough to be his wife." And I'm not yet.

This semester is tearing me up, and it's just going to get worse at block. I usually arrange my schedule so that my workload lightens up as the semester progresses, but this time I couldn't - it'll get more intense.

But what the heck. Bring it on. If my grades slip a little, which I seem to have a really hard time allowing, I've got a little grace room in my GPA to keep my scholarship for one more year. As much as I support the school of chillness, I have been not that this semester, and I need to relax and smile and really appreciate all the amazing brains and crazy shinanigans-in-pajamagans going on around me. I need to not try to talk my friends into liking me - I just need to be cool enough so that they can't help but like me, right? Consider it done.

All right. I feel vented. And I've got bruises on my forearms from leaning on this strange keyboard for two days. I need to go out and do something rocking. Perhaps it shall involve snow. Do you even know how hard next Fall will rock? I'm living with several of my favorite girls in a little house in my old ward boundaries. And when I say my favorite girls, I really mean some of the coolest girls I've ever met. And I'll (hopefully) be in the BFA program doing my own thing. And Andy will be home.

P.S. ... I'm really not a bad painter. I love it.

3:28am: SKYE
$25 and send it straight to Joe

10:40pm:
happy twenty first, stelth

2:26pm: o we made such sweet sweet samiches
hey stelth hey stelth read this

so I was dating a guy earlier this semester and he's really good friends with one Dave B. from colorado, who happens to be the older brother of Jesse B., the same Jesse B. that you used to always ask about whenever I took you to church functions ("wait, do you know Jesse B!?"). I think you went to middle school with him. Anyway, I asked Dave to ask Jesse if he remembers you, and he does, and he works in Salt Lake, and I told him you were coming to P-town next month.

Also, in honor of you leaving New Zealand, I give you this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FFnL9L4tEs

7:16pm: doubleplusgood
joel = engaged. officially.

he proposed about an hour ago.

weird, huh?

2:21am: denver?
hey sullivan - what's the name of that super good italian place in denver again? maggianos?

somebody is asking me about must sees/dos in denver, so if you have any good ideas, please share. also, good hotel?

2:07am: nicknicknicknick
NICK, IS IT TRUE, ARE YOU BACK???

i have your pete and pete. i put them to good use. in fact, i hosted a pete and pete potluck (a "peteluck", if you will) just before winter break.

oh man, i'm excited.

if it is you, email me at fatuglyperson at gmail dot com, and we'll set up the exchange.

10:13pm: lookie
hey guys, check out what i did this break-

http://www.rideok.com/rider_profiles/summer_hopkins/index.html

1:10am: go to sleep now, you little ugly. go to sleep now, you little fool.
lacey shmish - tonight, i hugged a boy that is 6'8". nevermind the fact that he's in high school.

so. 2006, eh? highlight - the last month of living at miller, particularly the final week. what a fantastic place to live that was, and how much i miss it. passing the one year mark with andy. matt getting home. dressing as a dinosaurus for halloween and wearing my costume to work. going to see the sun tunnels. that day i went to indiafest and a saved by the bell party with tamsen and micah. lowlight - leaving miller, or mostly not being in the same ward as apartments 12, 9, and 4 anymore. lithography class, in some ways. months 10-14 of the mission. my two *some superlative* high school friends leaving the country at the same time, and my subsequent lack of seeing them. not that i've really seen anyone until tonight.

what are yours?

happy oh seven.

11:33am: some news
1. i have not seen stelth for one year
2. andy the kid that works for my dad (or "spandy", as lacey has previously called him, as he is a spaniard) is proposing to his woman.
3. i'm cheating on you guys with blogspot.

3:31am: she slipped on a kiss and stumbled into love
so uh, seeing as nobody can ever fly again, we didn't, but we did drive. thursday night, until four a.m., and i am home.

i saw the nativity story. my head exploded wednesday night. i have finally seen memento and (half of) a prairie home companion.

next thing to see: you guys.

1:46am: it's been a while since i've quizzed

Life is Beautiful You scored 60% Concerned and 62% Certain!

You believe in something bigger than yourself, some sort of Truth that exists above and beyond the more confusing and frustrating parts of life. The answers might not always be obvious, but they are out there.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Concern You scored higher than 99% on Certainty

Link: The Existential Crisis Test written by MyPoMoLife on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

i feel like a million giant things have happened that i could tell you all about, but i can't really think of them. everything feels huge, huge and pretty and bright. how can i score higher than ninety nine percent on both concern AND certainty? andy has been gone for 17 months officially and i need to renew my library books. i think the universe is finally starting to respond to when i called it out.

i have no words.